So so so... the sloth hath made its return. Welcome to the waking world, untimely slave! You hope for a triumphal benediction but you shall not receive it at the mercies of Virtue.
Which, for all the old and decrepit or young and explicit that make up what is collectively 'Kelownafornian', means that Collin Cutler's made a little proclamation. Oh well done, Collin, well done. Spin those wheels. You spin them so hard and fast that your head has joined the fray and in so doing has begun to believe your own hype.
I didn't betray Kelownafornia. Kelownafornia betrayed us. Where was our funding, our appreciation, our support? Ever present yet nowhere to be found because, dear, dearest of Kelownafornians, you are all false. You have all drunk the Cool-Aid and have bought the big lie that all is well in the land of Kelownafornia. Yet it is not so, because all does not end well this time round.
There will be no happy reconciliations. No post-match handshakes. No other tediums of retrospective folly. There will be only one victory had that night, and it will be had by the only one with the bravery to speak the unpleasant truth about Kelownafornia.
I want you to study hard, Cutler, and improve your mind (if you can). Research the Marquess of Queensbury, and know that no such quarter will I give you. The rights to Kelownafornia will come home with me, and there by a fire will I slowly and rightly kill all that remains of our partnership. That's the voice of truth, that's the voice of reason; that's the voice of Virtue.
20100908
Saving Kelownafornia by Collin
Well well well...it took two months and help from a computer tech but I finally manage to hack back into my own website. Thanks Fedyk.
I've seen the blogs, read the comment and here's my response: I will be the first to admit that I too miss doing the boardroom and being part of a goofy yet successful (and may I add handsome) duo. However when Adam turned his back on Kelownafornia itself and insulted it's integrity, he went too far.
You've woken a sleeping bull Adam, there is no turning back. You can't run, you can't hide. The date is set, September 17th Rutland Centennail Hall. On that day you will realize just how big of a mistake you have made.
Turning on me is one thing, but turning your back on the people that made us, that backed us for the first two years of our careers, it's unforgivable.
So on September 17th i'm not fighting for me, I'm fighting for each and every individual that ever believed in the name KELOWNAFORNIA.
Because tag teams come and go like the weather....BUT I AM KELOWNAFORNIA!!
See ya in a couple weeks
I've seen the blogs, read the comment and here's my response: I will be the first to admit that I too miss doing the boardroom and being part of a goofy yet successful (and may I add handsome) duo. However when Adam turned his back on Kelownafornia itself and insulted it's integrity, he went too far.
You've woken a sleeping bull Adam, there is no turning back. You can't run, you can't hide. The date is set, September 17th Rutland Centennail Hall. On that day you will realize just how big of a mistake you have made.
Turning on me is one thing, but turning your back on the people that made us, that backed us for the first two years of our careers, it's unforgivable.
So on September 17th i'm not fighting for me, I'm fighting for each and every individual that ever believed in the name KELOWNAFORNIA.
Because tag teams come and go like the weather....BUT I AM KELOWNAFORNIA!!
See ya in a couple weeks
20100809
"The Board Room" by Adam
It's been some time, hasn't it? The domestic disturbance in Kelownafornia has made for quite a few complications. Sometimes Collin blocks me out of the Chronicles; every now and again I get through to spread my truth. Do I block him in return? I have no time for your disingenuous assertions.
Aside from the Red Ring of Death, my time in Vancouver has been good to me. However the other night I was hit by a bout of nostalgia (and insomnia) as I proceeded to watch all 25 episodes of The Board Room in chronological order. It's impossible not to notice what fun we had, how witty we were, and just what the world is, for the most part, still missing. I'd love to be back in the good old days in the Board Room.
Sadly, this will not happen, for one Collin Cutler turned his back on the cornerstones of Kelownafornia. Don't let him fool you: it was he, not I, that was the Great Betrayer. I am the Loyalist, true to the foundations of the franchise: selflessness. It all comes down to one word, and that word is selflessness. I am humble, I am selfless, I am the glue without whom there can be no Kelownafornia. Remember this when you yearn for Board Room 26.
Will the Kelownafornians reunite? Will the Prodigal Suns return to tag team glory? Will you ever again laugh at our most excellent exploits in the Room of Board? It's all up to you, Collin Cutler. If you can swallow your pride, look me in the eye and say 'I defer to your virtue', then I will forgive you, because I am a just and graceful man. But something tells me you, Collin Cutler, will not do this.
Goodbye, Board Room. May you live in our memories as you were, not as you have become.
Aside from the Red Ring of Death, my time in Vancouver has been good to me. However the other night I was hit by a bout of nostalgia (and insomnia) as I proceeded to watch all 25 episodes of The Board Room in chronological order. It's impossible not to notice what fun we had, how witty we were, and just what the world is, for the most part, still missing. I'd love to be back in the good old days in the Board Room.
Sadly, this will not happen, for one Collin Cutler turned his back on the cornerstones of Kelownafornia. Don't let him fool you: it was he, not I, that was the Great Betrayer. I am the Loyalist, true to the foundations of the franchise: selflessness. It all comes down to one word, and that word is selflessness. I am humble, I am selfless, I am the glue without whom there can be no Kelownafornia. Remember this when you yearn for Board Room 26.
Will the Kelownafornians reunite? Will the Prodigal Suns return to tag team glory? Will you ever again laugh at our most excellent exploits in the Room of Board? It's all up to you, Collin Cutler. If you can swallow your pride, look me in the eye and say 'I defer to your virtue', then I will forgive you, because I am a just and graceful man. But something tells me you, Collin Cutler, will not do this.
Goodbye, Board Room. May you live in our memories as you were, not as you have become.
20100613
"The VCity Split" by Adam
The Kelownafornians as we know it have ended. Oh, it's true. We are no longer pursuing big waves, hot babes and tag team glory in sunny old Kelownafornia. In fact, the changes go deeper than most realize.
I, Adam, arguably the superior half of the most charismatic young duo since Hansel & Gretel (and, it so happens, the originator of that very moniker), have moved to the VCity, Vancouver British Columbia. Why Vancouver? Well, it was as far away from Kelowna as I could get without
a) using a ferry or plane
b) crossing any provincial or national borders
c) heading to the frozen hell of the north; I'm looking at you, Prince George
It was time for a fresh start. A new scene, a new home, and a new identity to explore. So as I breathe in this new life, I appreciate this new aroma. And while I do detect trace elements of regret and nostalgia riding on the winds, I can't help but be overwhelmed by this most virtuous opportunity.
Hello Vancouver, and adios Kelownafornia. Maybe I'll come back to visit if you behave. But don't you change one bit, Kelownafornians. Keep getting those phials, those silicones, those tattoos, those too-tight T-shirts, those Ed Hardy trucker hats, those oversized trucks, those beer boats, those spray-tans...
I, Adam, arguably the superior half of the most charismatic young duo since Hansel & Gretel (and, it so happens, the originator of that very moniker), have moved to the VCity, Vancouver British Columbia. Why Vancouver? Well, it was as far away from Kelowna as I could get without
a) using a ferry or plane
b) crossing any provincial or national borders
c) heading to the frozen hell of the north; I'm looking at you, Prince George
It was time for a fresh start. A new scene, a new home, and a new identity to explore. So as I breathe in this new life, I appreciate this new aroma. And while I do detect trace elements of regret and nostalgia riding on the winds, I can't help but be overwhelmed by this most virtuous opportunity.
Hello Vancouver, and adios Kelownafornia. Maybe I'll come back to visit if you behave. But don't you change one bit, Kelownafornians. Keep getting those phials, those silicones, those tattoos, those too-tight T-shirts, those Ed Hardy trucker hats, those oversized trucks, those beer boats, those spray-tans...
20100602
"A Virtuous Victory" by Adam
The pain is excruciating. My back is being torqued against its will, and my leg has seized into a Gordian knot. I can't get out. I can't get to the ropes. I can't break the hold. I can't win. I can't escape the Loyalist Collin Cutler and his half-Boston Crab. I tap. Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!
The pain is stopped. My leg is stiff, but free. In tapping quickly, I've escaped any lasting damage. Even in defeat, I am tactically sound. But wait - the pain has stopped, but the match hasn't. There are no bells, no cheers to celebrate the Loyalist's victory. I chance a glance to see my one-time brother in championship trying to revive the ref, his back turned. In a moment of exhilarating fury I leap up and kick Collin's already-injured left leg before snapping off a shuddering RKO. 1,2 and 3. And in those three moments, Adam Virtue was born.
The pain is stopped. My leg is stiff, but free. In tapping quickly, I've escaped any lasting damage. Even in defeat, I am tactically sound. But wait - the pain has stopped, but the match hasn't. There are no bells, no cheers to celebrate the Loyalist's victory. I chance a glance to see my one-time brother in championship trying to revive the ref, his back turned. In a moment of exhilarating fury I leap up and kick Collin's already-injured left leg before snapping off a shuddering RKO. 1,2 and 3. And in those three moments, Adam Virtue was born.
20100512
"Adam vs Collin" by Adam
THE BATTLE OF KELOWNAFORNIA
ADAM FEDYK VS COLLIN CUTLER
ADAM FEDYK VS COLLIN CUTLER
Notice the billing; notice the order. Notice that it's Adam vs Collin, and not Collin vs Adam. That's tight, that's right: we're ordered by height. Not only that, it's also alphabetical, as A does in fact come before C (it's true, you can google it). In addition to being billed alphabetically and by height, Adam vs Collin is also billed from Best to... well, Not the Best.
Collin Cutler believes he is the driving force behind the Kelownafornians. Collin Cutler believes he is the engine that moves the train. Collin Cutler believes, if he were a smuggler, he would be the Captain of the Millenium Falcon. Well, Collin Cutler, you can dream of being Han Solo if you want, but remember this: last time we met, Chewbacca superkicked you back to Corellia and then some.
I, Adam Fedyk, am the soul of the Kelownafornians. Collin has forgotten this. He's forgotten why, just like on the marquee, Adam always comes before Collin. And on May 21st, 7.30pm at Rutland Centennial Hall, I will prove to you all that the Most Charismatic Young Duo Since Hansel & Gretel was built on the ingenuity of just one man: Me.
20100425
OAPW stairway to gold by Collin
The crowds getting louder now. The three of us have been none stop beating the hell out of each other for about fifteen minutes and it's any one's match. There is so much on the line in this special attraction triple threat match for the Trans-Canada Championship, which is pitting me and Adam against each other along with the champ himself Disco Fury who has been relentless this entire match.
As i start to stir from the canvas I see Disco pick up Adam and put him in position for a Side Walk Slam so i jump up and leg drop Adam's head which turns the move into a text book tag team attack. With the less attractive Kelownafornian laid out I show my inexperience and naivety by trying to give Disco a high five for our impromptu team work. Disco in turn gives me a chop to my now exposed chest making my heart jump into my throat.
After i regained my composure I see Disco climbing to the top rope, watching the title slipping away with ever rope he climbs. I throw myself into the corner of the ring and luckily connect with a right hand to Disco, stopping him in his tracks. I leap into the air without hesitation (come on the belt is on the line, no time to be cautious) and hit Disco with a hurricanrana off the top.
With both men down i could see the win coming to fruition but I was so drained i could hardly move. After a couple deep breaths I turned around and saw Adam stirring. I immediately grabbed him and set him up for "The Facebreaker" ( inverted pedigree ) with Adam behind me arms hooked head between my legs ( pause for laughter )... I looked up to see...Disco? Apparently I had hurricanranaed the 12 year veteran right onto Mr.Fedyk's lap which softened the blow rendering the champion unharmed. He then dropped down playing possum, showing exactly why he wears the gold. As stand there trying to comprehend this unseen turn of events, a hard boot to the ribs forced me to bend over and lock my arms into some sort of conscious rigor mortis. This made me hold Adam in my signature move while Disco set me up for the Pedigree, driving both Adam and I into the mat allowing Disco to retain HIS Trans-Canada Title.
I came to with bright lights blinding me from the rafters and the disappointment set in. Although, being so close to the title made me realize that I have the ability to be a contender for individual gold.
And so it begins...
As i start to stir from the canvas I see Disco pick up Adam and put him in position for a Side Walk Slam so i jump up and leg drop Adam's head which turns the move into a text book tag team attack. With the less attractive Kelownafornian laid out I show my inexperience and naivety by trying to give Disco a high five for our impromptu team work. Disco in turn gives me a chop to my now exposed chest making my heart jump into my throat.
After i regained my composure I see Disco climbing to the top rope, watching the title slipping away with ever rope he climbs. I throw myself into the corner of the ring and luckily connect with a right hand to Disco, stopping him in his tracks. I leap into the air without hesitation (come on the belt is on the line, no time to be cautious) and hit Disco with a hurricanrana off the top.
With both men down i could see the win coming to fruition but I was so drained i could hardly move. After a couple deep breaths I turned around and saw Adam stirring. I immediately grabbed him and set him up for "The Facebreaker" ( inverted pedigree ) with Adam behind me arms hooked head between my legs ( pause for laughter )... I looked up to see...Disco? Apparently I had hurricanranaed the 12 year veteran right onto Mr.Fedyk's lap which softened the blow rendering the champion unharmed. He then dropped down playing possum, showing exactly why he wears the gold. As stand there trying to comprehend this unseen turn of events, a hard boot to the ribs forced me to bend over and lock my arms into some sort of conscious rigor mortis. This made me hold Adam in my signature move while Disco set me up for the Pedigree, driving both Adam and I into the mat allowing Disco to retain HIS Trans-Canada Title.
I came to with bright lights blinding me from the rafters and the disappointment set in. Although, being so close to the title made me realize that I have the ability to be a contender for individual gold.
And so it begins...
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